By Rajan Narayan

DURING my time in the 90s, parenting was dictatorial. The father considered himself the managing director of the family. The children were treated like brands created by their parents. Just like Surf or Amul or White Tone which have taken the place of Fair & Lovely. Children had to live up to the brand image of the family. Parents decided what clothes children would wear. They decided on the length of the hair. They decided what courses the children would take. It did not matter if the child did not have an aptitude for engineering or medicine.
It did not matter if the young woman in the house wanted to cut her hair short or refuse to wear skirts and prefer jeans. There was no question of the son or daughter of a traditional Indian family falling in love and getting married. The choice of a life partner had to be decided by the parents. If the child rebelled, it was considered abnormal. The child was referred to a psychiatrist for not conforming to the image and values expected of the children.
Often, the doctor who was part of the same value system, agreed with the parents and decided that something was wrong with the child. This causes frustration among young adult children. Because they cannot follow their dreams, they cannot live their own lives as per their wish or desires.

PARENTAL DADAGIRI
I HAVE known many victims of parenting dadagiri. There is a very leading and high-profile doctor couple. They forced their son to join the Goa Medical College & Hospital. The son completed not only the MBBS but also his super-specialty in radiology. The young man revolted the moment he had the opportunity. The postgraduate medical expert is now a script writer for Hindi films.
I know a lawyer friend who forced his son to become a lawyer in the hope that he would inherit his flourishing practice. I caught up with the son at his marriage reception. He had defied his parents and married a Catholic girl, much to the horror of his Saraswat parents. The young man had a passion for art and chose a career as a painter, giving up law.
We know of young people who defied their parents to choose a career in music or sports. Hema Sardesai belongs to a Saraswat family in Panaji. Initially, her parents were not in favor of her pursuing a music career. Certainly not in Western pop music. I remember that Hema’s older sister used to accompany her to all her performances. Hema married a Catholic boy from Mumbai who fully supported her talent for music.
Similarly, the famous music icon of Goa, Remo Fernandes, was the son of a doctor. Remo himself dreamed of being an architect. His first love was music, and he devoted his entire life to becoming an international rock star. Then there’s the case of fado queen Sonia Sirsad which is even more curious. Sonia’s father belongs to the goldsmith community. Nobody let alone her family thought she would become a fado queen. Sonia, however, had the support of her Catholic family.

SPORTS GIRLS
THERE are also many cases of not just Goan boys but Goan girls choosing a sports career. There is the case of Talasha Prabhu. Her father was in the hotel industry. Satish Prabhu was the general manager of the Mandovi Hotel. His Catholic wife Berna worked for the National Institute of Oceanography. Their daughter Talasha showed a great talent for swimming very early in her life. Her mother Berna appointed herself a full-time manager and accompanied her to all the major sporting events.
The latest success story comes from Ponda. Sakshi Kale suffered from two disadvantages. She is a young woman and she is blind. This did not prevent her from building her career in athletics. The visually-challenged girl from Usgao won a gold medal at the Paralympic National Games. She is now on a flight to Paris to take part in the World Para Athletics Championship. And Sakshi is just a 21 years old.
A LOT has changed, and parents are increasingly willing to let their children pursue their dreams. Children, of course, are now much more aware of the opportunities they have thanks to social media. All information is available at your fingertips. The new generation of parents believes in letting children find their own path. The new generation of parents not only gave their children the best education they can afford but also expose them to travel and different cultures and traditions.
It is the children who decide the choice of a holiday destination. It is children who decide not only what they will wear but also what their parents should wear. The tables have turned and society is now driven by the post-millennial generation.
It is the generation born after 2000 which is made up of independent young people. They believe in following their own dreams and shaping their own destiny.