MY MOTHER AND ME Memories of my mother…

On Mother’s Day on May 10 we asked some of our friends about their feelings for their mother and memories good, better but rarely ugly!

Tara Narayan,
Journalist, 70
I have very mixed feelings about my mother. I never loved her, nor hated her, but sympathized with her as age and dementia caught up with her in her later years. I must confess I don’t have too many wonderful or happy memories of my mother. Mothers of her generation really never had options in life, being habituated to living down the straight and narrow of patriarchal society norms. Marriages took place in the late teens. There was no question of liking or not liking the boy! A proposal came, it was accepted. Marriage was pure lottery.
The rest of my mother’s family considered her the lucky daughter for her husband from village Gujarat who came from a far more humble household than hers, got a job out in a Gujarati trading company out in Penang, Malaysia, in the late 40s and soon with a little daughter (me, the eldest) she joined him. Life in the 50s and 60s out on the small little island of Penang was pretty much hidebound and Gujarati community-oriented in what was then as today a multiracial society. Six children later and through the ups and downs of life my father worked his years away, while mother kept home, getting pregnant every now and again, four daughters and a son, losing one son early in the marriage.
We got educated and grew up pretty normal. My mother’s main mission in life was to teach her privileged convent-educated daughters how to be good housewife marriage material. Towards this end I remember her putting me to good use in the kitchen while I longed to escape from the house. She was no bosom friend of mine and often complained about my wandering away ways when she needed me to help out in the kitchen or house.
Soon it was marriage time and to be packed off to India in search of boys to marry with the help of relatives. My father was true blue male chauvinist, my mother more or less voiceless. Today, I do believe marriage is the oldest form of slavery in the world although scenarios may or may not have improved considerably. My hardworking, honorable father passed away after the shock of aesophegal cancer when he was barely 70 years old and mother dear lived on into her 90s between son’s home in Penang, increasingly in Mumbai where my father had invested in a family home in Juhu. She had two younger daughters who were married, while two older daughters lingered on the shelf, it was a cause of great anguish for her.
That is something which put mother dear in a perennial nagging mode. It was the very pits listening to her tearful morning puja routine with bells tinkling away desperately… two unmarried daughters, you see?! To cut it short this is to say I was almost all of 50 years when I decided to get married jhat-phat! No regrets. Only one regret. When mother died she died in the arms of yet another one of her dozen odd maid servants who came and left depending on how good or negligent they were. What happens to seniors at home waiting all day long for married or unmarried working sons and daughters to come home, is another story, I’ll keep it for another time. When I look back into my mother’s life now I find tears in my eyes and I wish, I wish, I wish many more good things for my mother in another lifetime!

Heena Nawar,
Accountant, 24
My mother is my best friend. I share everything with her and am very close to her, but I am her only daughter. She is very friendly and even in fits of anger the next moment she would be loving and won’t let me cry! If I tell her something was good she would go out and buy it…I need my mother and want her, am incomplete without her. She loves my brother but she loves me a little more because I am her youngest child! She doesn’t take care of herself and then mein hukum chalati hoon…she listens to me.

Vishal PG,
Family business, 24
Mother, mom, ma, my mother is not just a parent but someone for whom words would fall short to describe. We are born of love and that love is our mother. There is nothing as powerful as mother’s love and nothing as healing as a child’s soul. A mother isn’t just a parent but the purest form of love a child can be blessed with. She is the most beautiful and most hardworking woman in this universe and to honor her we must celebrate Mother’s Day! My mother fills my heart with emotion. As a mother she is a highly responsible women and no other being can love you the way mother can. A mother will go to any extent to keep her child happy, safe and keep the family bonded together. My mother gets up at dawn and starts her schedule, cooking delicious food, knowing all the likes and dislikes of each and every member of the family. Being alert she keeps check on everyone’s day to day essentials be it elders’ medicines, child’s school homework and other important reminders. I think the value of this sweet word mother is truly felt by those children who don’t have anyone to call mother! Never forget the sacrifices your mother made to make you feel secure, motivated and supported…my mother is life’s ace driving force, without her I would never have been born!
Elizabeth rodrigues,
Homemaker and entrepreneur, 65 my mother was a Goan mum and took care of her children and her husband in a very normal, practical and jovial way. She was unique! She had her upbringing from very rigid and religious nuns from the convent and she followed all the traditions of normal Goan Catholic families and I found she always had her funny side and that became her story. She was very liberal but there should be no funny business from children, she kept all of us and my father on his toes. She had the aura of a well-disposed lady and was happy with whatever she had: Her house, her husband, her children were the world she lived in. I don’t remember her going out of the house to take a break in her daily chores or difficulties, all she did was to ask us for help of she needed. She was there at home all the time if we needed her, and many a times we noticed my father was around her when he was at home from work. She was a very simple and had huge common sense, she would handle any situation with grace and simplicity. She was very intuitive too and had the resilience and grace to hold the family together. She followed her heart and intuition and had implicit belief that her heart would never deceive her. I remember her telling me follow your hart and you will never fail in decisions you make. She made all decisions, heart-based.
Mala Patel, Banker, 60 years As a child I was quiet and shy. My mother was my protector as I hid behind her, she was my shield. As much as she tried to embolden and to encourage me, I was too timid. Today, I am a mother, I can look back at who my mother was, her life and as a woman in her own right. Because I know today that she was not only a mother but also a woman in a man’s world. My mother was brave, she was a fighter, she did not back down when it came time to protect what was hers and what was, her family. We grow up to inherit the good and the bad experiences of our childhood, and I do believe that how our mothers treat us makes up a big part of who we become. But if we cannot at some point in our adult lives look at mothers objectively, as another human being, then I believe we do a great injustice to our mothers. I like who I am today, so I am grateful and thankful to my mother. My mother was special to me.
Martin Joseph, Travel Agent, 56 I’M so proud, indebted, grateful, thankful to my precious mother in this world who loves me unconditionally to this day! I can’t forget all her great deeds, like she conceived me. She carried me in her womb for nine long months against all odds and sickness. Cleaned my potty with love! Fed me. Taught me to take the first footsteps in this world. Held me when I lost balance. Made sure I got the best. Educated me even though she was not highly educated herself. Signed my report card even though I failed. She never condemned me but always praised me. Always waited for me till I came back from school to eat. She would eat last, till everyone ate and washed. Made sure I got the best. Would cover me in the nights. When I was sick she would spend sleepless nights by my bedside. She was always happy to see me happy, never made anything less. When I started working part time at the young age of 12, I gave all my earnings to her, she felt proud. I bought my first gift at 15, a saree for her and she was overwhelmed. I never back answered her when she scolded me. I supported her even after I lost my dad when I was 21, I looked after her, the promise I gave my dad. I worked extra hard. Today she is the only other director in my companies. Even today she checks on me whether I have eaten or not, even when I’m in meetings. She doesn’t care for the meetings, but cares about me. Today she is suffering from Parkinson’s and so is not so active, can’t do much though she wants to do. She is 75 and strong. That’s my only great mother in this world! I love her so dearly. Happy yours day mom!

OH, MOTHER….

Amongs the foodie enthusiasts and professional running some life wire foodie kitchens on social media like Facebook is the familiar voice and face of Vandana Sardesai. Recently, as a key member of her foodie group several women came together to remember their mother on Mother’s Day, the women came up with such inspirational memories that we take pleasure in reproducing some of them here with an additional note by Vandana Sardesai who says, “My WhatsApp group name is passionate about cooking. I had organized this mother’s day contest in memory of my mother, the late Meena Gurudas Kenny. I have sponsored the prizes for this contest under my enterprise Vandana’s Delicacies….” (Vandana Sardesai is a baker of cakes and confectionary extraordinary!)

Vandana Sardesai, Panaji ALL mothers are special. It is said since God could not be everywhere God made mothers. I have fond memories of my mother. She was loving, caring and very helpful. She was more like a friend. She always motivated me to move forward in life. My mother motivated me to become an English professor and she also inspired me to become an entrepreneur. She herself was very dynamic. She was an entrepreneur. She was an excellent cook who taught me the basics of cooking and baking. She was a strong woman who taught me to be ambitious, affectionate and strong. We loved gardening, cooking , pets, etc. My only regret is that she is no more and I yearn for her love and support. I wish every mother a happy mother’s day. I see my mother in every mother.
Audrey Pereira, Mapusa GROWING, I always thought that motherhood was a piece of cake! Boy, was I wrong! Daily when I struggle with handling my ONE handful, my thoughts wander to my mother who puts up with three of us! I’ve never been the touchy-feely person some girls are. I’ve never really talked about feelings or boys with my mum, but somehow just being around her makes me feel like I can handle my issues. I’m not very good with expressing my emotions verbally, so I make up for that through my actions. I always thought that I had more qualities of my father, but now looking back, I’m more like my mum than I realized. She has gone through a lot in life and it has made her stronger, and sometimes I wonder if I would have the strength to endure the same? I love my mother very much and it is my prayer that one day I may be blessed to be like her.
Shruti Tilve IF I know what love is, it is because of my mother. Twenty-two years of my life, I’ve had the strongest anchor holding onto me. From every fall to every step of success, from pushing me to excel at everything I do, including making round roti, to laughing at me while I cry, holding her every birthday day telling her it sucks to grow up and I don’t want to do it anymore — she’s been there. Through all the tears and happy smiles my mother has helped me be the woman I am today. To the world she may be a mother. But to our family, she is our world.
Ananya Bhembre A MOTHER is a child’s first friend, best friend and forever friend. My mamma is my best friend, my secret keeper, my partner in crime, my annoying little sister, and my gossip buddy!!!! No matter how old I am I will always need my mother. So I want to wish my biggest support, biggest cheerleader, my love, a very happy Mother’s Day!!!!
Muskaan Sait WHOEVER said, “Moms know best,” must have had a mother just like mine. From advice to amazing food, she really does know a bit about everything. Now, I’d be lying if I said that this mother daughter relationship was unicorns and rainbows. It’s not all a walk in the park, perhaps a rollercoaster is a better word to describe it, because it’s an experience, watching her grow and learn at the same time that I do. She’s sassy, smart, and very open to trying new things and is usually enthusiastic about things I’m doing, at times more than I am! I’m thankful to have a mother who supports my endeavors, loves selfies more than I do! Encourages me to keep a positive outlook and gives me my space to learn from my mistakes. She’s a cheerleader, through every up and down that this rollercoaster called life takes us on.
Sapna Naik Bandodkar DEAR mother, words fall short to describe your importance in my life! If a father is a daughter’s first love then a mother is definitely the first friend. And you were not only my teacher (guru), my mentor, my guide, my advisor, but you were my best friend forever (BFF), my sole source of happiness and I saw God in you, in short you were my God. You understood me so well without me uttering a single word. Your love had no bonds and when you wrapped me in your arms I always felt most secured. My every wound was healed by a mere touch of your caring hands. Your twinkling eyes always searched for my happiness. If I am a heart you were and you are its every beat. You taught me how to fight the odds of life and appreciate every good gesture of others. A day came when you left your physical body yet I could feel your presence and you are there always with me… I know your love for me is eternal and yet I yearn for your love every moment. I really missed the fights, the sharing of every silly thing I had done, the laughter we had shared and most importantly I miss your lap where I would rest my head and every time I did so I would say pata hai mujhe sabse jyada aaram kaha milta hai, mummy ki goud me and simply fall asleep. And you would sit for hours at times without waking me up. Where should I search for this lap now, I don’t know…but I know for you were there and are there always for me. Love you, mumma. Now and always.

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