HEY MOJI! DARO MAT, BHAAGO MAT! By Aravind Bhatikar

Answer these questions…

May 6, 2024
By Aravind Bhatikar

VOTER: Why did you promise us that you will put Rs15 lakh in each bank account?
MOJI:
You know I have to tell big things to voters. Otherwise, how will they vote for me?

Voter : But Moji, how can you tell lies to Indian voters like this? Will they not call you a liar?
Moji:
No, No! I did not say lie. I wanted to bring all the black money back!

Voter: Then why did you not bring it back? You could not get a flight from Delhi?
Moji:
No, no, not like that! Flight is no problem! I have my airplane of Rs8,000 crore costing more costlier than Jawaharlal Nehru.

Voter: Why did you not put Rs15 lakh in each of the people’s account as you promised?
Moji:
How can I do it? I could not bring the money back!

Voter: Where was the money? Why could you not bring it back?
Moji:
You see, Arun first told me the money was in Sweden. You know Sweden?

Voter: No! I do not know Sweden. Where is it?
Moji :
I also did not know. Arun told me it was near another country called Norway.

Voter : Where is Norway?
Moji:
You don’t know? It is near Sweden.

Voter : So you brought the money from Sweden?
Moji:
No. Arun afterwards told me he went there but he could not find it.

Voter: Where was the black money kept then?
Moji :
All my ministers went abroad so many times to all countries but they could not find the black money. We have sent now a registered letter to Pakistan to tell us if they have our black money.

Voter: Why do you give a guarantee that you will give each one of us Rs15 lakh if you do not know where is the black money?
Moji :
No, No! I know where is the black money. We have it in India but that is separate! I did not promise that money. Black money in white countries is different.

Voter : Your guarantee was a big lie!
Moji :
Ha ha ha! You think politics is all truth?

Voter: You told us in 2014 that you would create 2 crore jobs per year. Was that also a big lie?
Moji :
No. That was also my guarantee.

Voter: Then why is there unemployment today?
Moji:
Arrey Bhaee, listen! I told all young people to make and sell pakodas. They have not done it! So why do you shout in my name?

Voter : If 2 crore people make pakodas every year, who will buy them?
Moji:
Don’t worry, 10 pakodas can be put in 1 packet and one man can be given 2 packets per day. I am already giving 5 kilo rice to 80 crore people. Now I can give 2 packets per person to 80 crore people. You have the mobile phone, no? You calculate how many pakodas and how many employment per day!

Voter : How can everybody eat pakodas everyday?
Moji:
We can teach people to make dhoklas and theplas. One day pakodas, one day dhoklas and one day theplas! Understood? Employment problem solved.

Voter: Moji, youngsters want government jobs or good private jobs, not pakodas or theplas. Why did you tell them a lies?
Moji :
Ha Ha Ha! Politics baba, politics!

May 9, 2024

VOTER: Moji, Good-morning. We have come from Tamil Nadu.

Moji: Don’t call me Moji! Call me Mojiji or, wait! Call me Mojijijiji ! You understood?
1st Voter :
Ok, Mojijijiji.
2nd Voter: Moji, why these 3 times ji? Difficult to remember! Can we not just say Moji3?

Moji3 : Yes, you can do that. What are your names?
1st Voter:
My name is Devadanapatti Tirumangalamappa!
2nd Voter : My name is Thiruvannamalai Sangameshwaranna!

Moji3: (laughing) Your names are difficult. I do not like your names. You south Indians don’t vote for me. Why have you come here?
Devadanapatti :
Moji3, we are a part of this great country. We want to ask you questions!

Moji3 : What questions?
Devadanapatti :
Why are you telling lies to people on Ram temple? Why did you tell people that Rahul Gandhi will make Ram Temple a hospital if Congress comes to power?

Moji3 : If I tell people the truth, can I get votes?
Thiruvannamalai:
No! You cannot get votes if you tell people the truth, because the truth is your government is doing nothing.
Moji3: Exactly! That is why I have to tell lies.
Devadanapatti: That lady minister Rani speaks bigger lies! She tells people Rahul Gandhi will cancel Supreme Court’s judgment.
Moji3 : I do not know why she said it! But I think Rahul Gandhi should cancel all judgments of the Madras Supreme Court!
Thiruvannamalai: Moji3, there is no Supreme Court in Madras. In fact, there is no Madras now. Madras has become Chennai 30 years back.
Moji3: I have no time to waste. Ask your questions.

Devadanapatti : Moji3, why did you tell lies that if Rahul Gandhi becomes prime minister, he will put a Babri lock on the Ram temple?
Moji3:
Arrey Bhaee, I have told you, no? If I don’t tell lies, how can I win?

Thiruvannamalai: Moji3, why do you think you can win if you tell lies?
Moji3: You see, what is the truth? I have done nothing for the last 10 years. But, can I say this to people? No! I told them lies in 2014 and again in 2019 and both times I became prime minister. So, I am telling lies again!
Devadanapatti: Moji3, I have a complaint, not a question! I am a farmer near Chennai. I sent my son to England for studying because you guaranteed that my income will be doubled by 2022. I waited till 2023. My income is going down and down and down! I have called my son back.
Moji3: Now send your son to Delhi. I will teach him how to make north Indian tea and pakodas and sell it at the Nizamuddin railway station! I think, you are complaining too much!

Thiruvannamalai : Moji3, you promised that everybody will have a pakka house to live! Nothing has happened. I am still living in my small hut. Why did you tell lies?
Moji3 :
You are also talking too much! You are asking the same question again and again. I will give both of you free housing and free food. Just wait, I call my police to take you to the free house.
Moji3 calls his police and orders them to jail both voters. Devadanapatti is charged under the Sedition Law and Tiruvannamalai under the Prevention of Money Laundering Act (PMLA).

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