WHO WANTS TO DIE?

I MUST confess all the la di da confessions surrounding actor Sushant Singh Rajput have rattled me as in what kind of a society we are living in today? Of course, despair and suicide have always been around amongst poor or hand-to-mouth folk. But in the better off classes have we become so monetized and high-powered that we can fix “the suicide” of anyone in Hindi cinema circles or small television circles or media circles or government circles or whatever damn circle where a cartel of empowered privileged call the shots in the worst ways possible?
Either you join them in their deadly lifestyles of plenty and too much or say goodbye to them as soon as you can, leave them behind, go away somewhere where vicious “friends” don’t brainwash and impact your peace of mind…enough to make you want to commit suicide. But I don’t think Sushant Singh Rajput committed suicide, I think somebody fixed him that morning after he had his pomegranate juice in a matter of minutes. Details of investigative evidence is hush hush and kept under wraps.
Which is not to say the man wasn’t in a mess of a dilemma having botched up his personal life for no real reasons I can see at least. Perhaps he was unable to settle for a more enduring and rewarding marital relationship with any of the filmi duniya women in his life and that may have built up a web of regrets, all the trappings of guilt. Then somebody convinced him he was suffering from bipolar depression and should take drugs and drugs contributed to his feelings of futile emotions and did their job of no returns.
I still think he was murdered no matter what the police say and rue the fact that we constantly define success by where we live, how much we earn, who our friends are….the more superficial the success, the more the real failure in living one’s life honorably and happily. As a society why constantly equate material wealth with emotional, intellectual, spiritual success in one confused potpourri! I know some perfectly successful human beings who live poor, humble, self-respecting lives even if they do not have too many of the comforts of life which many of us take for granted.
THE lie is nailed every time someone who had everything to live for, chooses to say goodbye cruel world…and family, friends, helplines, all must confess to failure to deliver their goal of keeping the confused and lost alive in good times and bad times. It is a testimony to our failed relationships. Needless to say when someone who’s an apparent example of hard work and who has earned the fruit of superficial success choses to commit suicide – most of us are left floundering in dilemmas of our own, whether to take the easier way out or not when life is devoid of minimal inspiration and desire to live?
The overwhelming perception in our conspicuous consumerist society which shops for things, things, things beautiful and expensive, defines our state of mind; we’re constantly shopping for this, that and the other regardless of whether we need it or not. Sometimes beyond need, beyond want and beyond greed! And in the process we engage in so much nautanki justifications that sooner or later some truths will return to haunt – when we should have been a little cautious about hurting a parent, a sibling, a friend, a colleague, hubby, children. In the “len-den” of life try to be fair and don’t put yourself first for every collection!
Sometimes I think how much my parents generations sacrificed for the sake of ensuring the primaries of roof, food, education for their children – and I’ve seen these same children grow up to be utterly insensitive to anyone else’s prior needs, be it in their own family milieu or friends’ circle. We think security is a spacious home, lots of money in the bank, wardrobes, jewellery, friends in the same yachts of comfort entertaining one another.
BUT at the end of the day when push comes to shove home is never places, but the people who love and have affection for us, and if you do not honor them….the next time don’t think anyone “near” or “dear” will trust you. Respect your relationships and be faithful to them, life is never about being there to take and take away when one is in a position to do so. Check your own greed and hypocrisy before you check another’s. If life’s only justification is to drive one another to suicide…the day won’t be far when your worst nightmares will present themselves before you too and then it will be too late for regrets, you won’t be able to undo the damage you are responsible and accountable for.
There is no guilt or regret as that which comes to haunt us after those who didn’t do a thing to hurt us are gone with the wind. Very often I see how we make the sad mistake of anticipating situations without having any grounds of evidence, but our insecurity-ridden minds preempt them and move heaven and earth to marginalize someone who may be close relative or a friend. Then of course there is nothing left to do but reap the curses which will undoubtedly be heaped upon you. Who would like to love you? Nobody really. At least nobody who once had some feelings of affection for you. Think about all this and don’t just think.
What else is there left to say except rest in peace Shushant Singh Rajput, boy from Patna who dreamed of living life kingsize in Bollywood but somewhere along the way lost his way to come to terms with and shrug of his errors of omission, commission and judgment. At least that is how I would put it. In these difficult times of pandemic coronavirus let us usher in some soul-searching and get back on the straight and narrow path of true goodwill to all who need our support out there. It’s avjo, poiteverem, selamat datang, au revoir, arrivadecci and vachun yetta here for now.

— Mme Butterfly

A POEM for the times
for whatever it is worth:
Black

Do we turn to stone?
As a rainbow of feelings
Dry and fade,
And stocktaking
Throws up cameo memories
Of how life’s tough vine
Can bear sour, bitter fruit,
For want of the sweet
Pollination
Of love?
Why do we no longer feel
Like talking,
To those we have given freely
And who have taken away freely
Without a thought
Of past, present and future,
And gone out of our life?
Are there no relationships
Of the kind
We took for granted
When we were young?
Fifty something years later
When the curtains fall all around
On killer lies,
We believe
In love’s paradise
There are more questions
Than answers!

Do you know how relationships
Break up?
Like cheap glass
A few – the ones we lived on,
Shattering into mindboggling shards,
To stay embedded
In consciousness forever —
To draw blood.

When is it too late?
Is it too late
When black has seeped
Into a rainbow of feelings,
And we stop seeking ways
To make a clean sweep
Of life’s broken glass,
Hoping to begin anew?

— Tara Patel

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